“The American heart is closing before our very eyes,” says Brad Wilcox, a professor of sociology at the University of Virginia, in a new book released today. “Our civilization is in the midst of an epochal shift, a shift away from marriage and all the fruits that follow from this most fundamental social institution: children, kin, financial stability, and innumerable opportunities to love and be loved by another.”

In the midst of this “closing of the American heart,” Wilcox makes the bold appeal captured in the imperative of his book title: Get Married: Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization.

Here’s an excerpt from my review of the book:

Wilcox limits his grim analysis of “The Closing of the American Heart” to the first chapter then gets to work urging readers to open their hearts to the goodness of marriage in spite of the influential voices against it and the popular myths causing men and women to miss out on its benefits, especially the country’s poor and working class where the marriage rate is in freefall. He lays out the most critical anti-marriage claims, such as those by uber-influential kickboxer Andrew Tate that there is “zero advantage to marriage in the Western world for a man,” or the Bloomberg article “Women Who Stay Single and Don’t Have Kids Are Getting Richer,” then presents substantive statistics and compelling stories showing what is actually true. 

Drawn from extensive and authoritative sources, his research is much more convincing than the meme-level claims and stats that influence so many young adults, and the people he presents behind those stats illustrate the consequences–for better or worse–of what we believe about marriage and family. Notable among the men and women Wilcox profiles are those he describes as “The Masters of Marriage”: Asian Americans, Conservatives, The Faithful, and Strivers. Each of these categories stand out as exceptions to the marriage recession, and what makes them exceptional offers counter cultural beliefs and behaviors that lead to happy and thriving marriages. 

We especially appreciate that Wilcox wrote this book out of a “desire to help ordinary men and women build meaningful and satisfying lives for themselves and their children” and that he boldly encourages the young adults in his family and on the campus of the University of Virginia to be intentional about their most marriageable years. When we asked him what he would encourage parents to say to children who are of marrying age, he offered this timely advice:

For parents of young adults in early 20s, I’d encourage them to say this to their young adult children:

“Now is the time to be looking for a spouse. You’re in (college, trade school, or working). You will never meet so many members of the opposite sex who are available to marry. Get out there: volunteer, go to church, say ‘yes’ to your college roommate’s wedding invitation, and attend that office Christmas party you’re feeling iffy about. Ask someone on a date. Accept a request to date if the person seems halfway decent. If there is even a chance you might hit it off, go on a second date. And if you find someone who shares your values and is a good friend, don’t spend years going nowhere–marry them.”

“Today, a record share of people will never marry, never have children. And so you have to be more intentional about putting yourself in situations and hanging out with good people where you might meet your beloved."

We appreciate his candor and are having these conversations with our 21- and 24-year-old children. Parents, now is the time to have these conversations with your adult children while praying boldly for God to do His will in their lives.